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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899948">Liberosis</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpaintpots/pseuds/yellowpaintpots'>yellowpaintpots</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Confessions, First Kiss, M/M, Movie Night, Panic Attacks, Pining, Protective Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:14:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,263</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23899948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpaintpots/pseuds/yellowpaintpots</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>'Liberosis; The desire to care less about something.'</p><p>'Shane had smiled at him, and it was in that moment – That soft smile, Shane’s kind eyes, warm hands cupping his face – It was that moment where Ryan’s feelings hit him hard.'</p><p>AKA: Ryan's fallen in love and wishes he didn't care so much.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>256</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Liberosis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>woops ok heres a thing<br/>idk how good it is<br/>im tired and i got like, 3/4ths of the way through and my brain Stopped Working<br/>so i uh<br/>i hope this is ok because im tired</p><p>i kinda hate the ending ngl</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ryan wished he could care less.</p><p>He was thinking it now as he sat at his desk, staring at Shane. Thank god he’d been working so hard recently or his lack of work today would probably be more of a problem. His eyes traced over Shane’s features – Or at least what he could see from this angle. He sighed quietly before turning back to his computer.</p><p>It’d been 2 months since his first realization. In truth, it’d probably been there for a lot longer, those warm feelings of love that he felt whenever Shane did anything. But it’d been 2 months ago that it’d hit Ryan full force.</p><p>
  <em>‘They’d been on location at a small, haunted cabin. Pretty standard start – They filmed their joint investigation before splitting off and doing their solo runs. It’d been a tough one. Ryan couldn’t shake the feeling of dread that followed him through each room of that house. His words kept coming out stuttering and shaking and dripping with fear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could feel the panic attack hit by the time he got back to Shane. Shane’s smiling expression turned worried at the sight of him, arms wrapped around himself and breathing uneven.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, loud and overwhelming when mixed with everything else he was experiencing. His arms wrapped tight around himself, squeezing as his fingers grasped at the material of his own shirt. He didn’t notice Shane had knelt on the ground in front of where he’d stumbled and sat down until he heard Shane’s voice, level and low and comforting as always when things like this happened.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ry?” Shane said softly, trying to meet Ryan’s eyes. “Hey, little guy. You’re ok, see?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ryan could feel tears stinging his eyes and he was sure he’d already started crying. He looked up to meet Shane’s gaze. Shane reached out to rest his hands gently on Ryan’s shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You did great today. Out here acting like a professional ghost hunter,” He said with a grin, trying to make Ryan smile too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“F-Feel like- Professionals probably- Probably don’t react like this,” Ryan stuttered out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Oh, they absolutely do,” Shane argued. He swiped his thumbs over Ryan’s cheeks to wipe away his tears. “Let’s get that breathing under control though, ok?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ryan nodded and followed along as Shane talked him through a breathing exercise, repeating it until his heart rate returned to normal and he didn’t feel like he was suffocating.’</em>
</p><p>Shane had smiled at him, and it was in that moment – That soft smile, Shane’s kind eyes, warm hands cupping his face – It was that moment where Ryan’s feelings hit him hard.</p><p>He’d spent that night close to Shane’s side, barely able to sleep – Partially due to the creaking and scratching noises around the house, but partially because of the warm feeling in his chest at the feeling of Shane’s arm thrown over his side. He’d woken up after a couple of hours of sleep at most but despite that, he felt awake and safe.</p><p>He hadn’t told Shane any of this. How could he?</p><p>The rest of his day went mostly the same as he barely got any work done. Shane had gone off to get lunch at some point while Ryan stayed behind, determined to get as much done as he could while Shane was out. Shane had returned after a bit with a coffee which he placed down next to Ryan with a smile.</p><p>Ryan’s heart thudded in his chest.</p><p>He was so fucked.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Shane looked good under the pink and purple light of the bar. He looked good under most lighting, really – But Ryan couldn’t help the fluttering of his heart as Shane laughed and tipped back in his seat, glass in hand and alcohol-flushed cheeks. Ryan kept his eyes on Shane as he drank his own beer, his face also tinted red both from the drinking and the sight of his best friend.</p><p>“I’m just saying-“ Shane spoke through bursts of laughter. He nearly fell out of his seat, spilling part of his drink on his shirt. He pouted. “Ah, fuck.”</p><p>Ryan hid his grin by drinking more. Shane grumbled quietly to himself as he used a couple of napkins to dab at the wet patch on his shirt.</p><p>“Bet you think this is hilarious, don’t you?” He asked.</p><p>“Best thing I’ve seen all night,” Ryan grinned.</p><p>Shane pouted and stuck his tongue out. He pulled out his phone. “It’s getting late anyway and now I just wanna change. Wanna come back to mine for movies and popcorn.”</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>The two headed out and ordered a ride back to Shane’s apartment. Shane disappeared into his bedroom to change his shirt while Ryan fell into the usual movie routine of grabbing some popcorn and drinks for them both. He set everything up in the living room and lay across the couch as he flipped through movie options. Shane came out of the bedroom in a new shirt and some pajama pants and Ryan’s breath caught in his throat as Shane walked to the couch, stumbling slightly as he did before falling down onto the couch with Ryan.</p><p>Ryan went to move to give Shane some more space, but Shane instead squeezed himself between Ryan and the back of the couch, an arm lazily laying over Ryan’s waist as he pressed play on the movie. Ryan’s heart raced.</p><p>“Uhh... Shane?”</p><p>“Mhh?” Shane responded.</p><p>“…Want me to move? Give you more room to sit?” Ryan asked.</p><p>“Nope,” Shane declined.</p><p>Shane’s attention went back to the movie for a few minutes before he spoke up again. “Do you want to move?”</p><p>“No- No, no. It’s fine, it’s just different.”</p><p>Shane just hummed before looking back at the TV, squeezing Ryan a little closer.</p><p>It wasn’t until the end of the movie that Shane spoke again. He sat up a little, keeping his arm around Ryan as he did. He looked down at Ryan with a look that Ryan couldn’t quite place.</p><p>“I’m probably about to sound really stupid,” He started.</p><p>“That’s not very hard,” Ryan joked.</p><p>Shane laughed and shook his head. “Funny. But really, if this makes you feel weird please tell me to shut up and we can forget it happened.”</p><p>That got Ryan’s attention. He turned from his side onto his back and watched Shane curiously. “…Ok?”</p><p>“So I’ve been dropping hints for a while now and-“ Shane’s eyes are focusing on everything except Ryan’s own as he spoke. “And I can’t tell if I’m just not being obvious enough, or maybe I am and- maybe you’re just trying to let me down gently.”</p><p>“Wait, wait, what? Dropping hints?”</p><p>Shane’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh- Oh you haven’t realized then, ok.”</p><p>“Haven’t realized what?” Ryan sat up and frowned slightly. “What am I missing here?”</p><p>“I’m in love with you.”</p><p>Ryan’s words died in his throat and he let out a surprised squeak. “You <em>whAT</em>-“</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve been dropping some not so subtle hints for the past few months now and-“</p><p>Shane’s confession was cut off by Ryan’s lips against his own, messy and unplanned but definitely not the worst first kiss in the world. Shane’s eyes stayed open in surprise for a few seconds before he let himself relax, arms around Ryan to keep him close. They both eventually pulled away when they needed to breath.</p><p>“Oh,” Shane said quietly.</p><p>“Oh,” Ryan responded.</p><p>They both broke into a fit of laughter, leaning their foreheads against each other.</p><p>“So I guess that means you-“</p><p>“Yeah,” Ryan said. “Yeah, I do.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm doing a very stupid writing challenge this year, and you guys can help me reach my goal! Here's the Tumblr post explaining what I'm doing:<br/>https://foxes-box.tumblr.com/post/616549472066994176/quest-to-420-works</p></blockquote></div></div>
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